Assertiveness Training

Purpose

Assertiveness Training helps participants find the balance between passive and aggressive communication. By understanding the assertiveness continuum and practising specific techniques, team members learn to express needs, set boundaries, and say no in ways that are respectful and effective.

At a glance

How to run

1. Assertiveness continuum (10 min): Present the four styles: Passive, Passive-Aggressive, Aggressive, Assertive. Use workplace examples for each. Emphasise that assertiveness = honest + respectful.
2. Self-reflection (5 min): Each person identifies situations where they default to a non-assertive style and why.
3. Technique toolkit (10 min): Teach key techniques: (a) Broken record (calmly repeating your position), (b) Fogging (acknowledging the other's point while holding your ground), (c) DESC script (Describe, Express, Specify, Consequences).
4. Pair practice (15 min): Distribute scenario cards (e.g., saying no to extra work, setting a boundary with a colleague). In pairs, practise using the DESC script. Switch roles.
5. Debrief (5 min): What felt different about using these techniques? What is one situation this week where you will practise?

Materials needed

• Assertiveness continuum poster
• DESC script worksheet
• Scenario cards (4–6 situations)
• Timer

Pitfalls & common mistakes

• Confusing assertiveness with aggression: Constantly reinforce that assertiveness respects both parties.
• Practising only "no" scenarios: Include scenarios where assertiveness means expressing a positive need or idea.
• Ignoring cultural context: Directness norms vary by culture. Discuss what assertiveness looks like in your specific context.
• No follow-up practice: One session is not enough. Pair it with ongoing check-ins.

Inclusion & accessibility

• Acknowledge that assertiveness norms are gendered and culturally loaded. Discuss this openly.
• Allow written practice for participants who find verbal assertiveness intimidating.
• Use diverse, inclusive scenario cards.
• Let participants choose which scenarios to practise to control comfort levels.

Variations

• Manager focus: Scenarios about giving hard feedback, saying no to scope creep, advocating for resources.
• Written assertiveness: Practise assertive emails and messages instead of verbal roleplay.
• 360 feedback integration: Use assertiveness ratings from a 360 feedback as input.

When NOT to use this

• When the workplace punishes assertiveness (e.g., retaliation for boundary-setting) — address the systemic issue first.
• When participants are in a crisis situation where safety is at risk.
• As a standalone solution for systemic power imbalances.

Source & further reading

• Randy Paterson, *The Assertiveness Workbook* (New Harbinger, 2000)
• Sharon Bower & Gordon Bower, *Asserting Yourself* (Da Capo Press, 2004)
• Manuel J. Smith, *When I Say No, I Feel Guilty* (Bantam, 1975)